So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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