Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
