Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm at about main and main street
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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