Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
