her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
