Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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