I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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