Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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