I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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