Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize