Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
