I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
