Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
