P.S. I can't hear my feet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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