In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize