I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
