Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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