i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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