Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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