Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
