During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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