my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
