I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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