Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
