I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I met the friendliest cop last night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
