i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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