I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
