I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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