It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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