I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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