3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
