Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
