Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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