'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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