my being single is dangerous.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
