why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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