I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
