Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
