So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
