i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
