my mouth tastes like poor choices
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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