$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
