Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
