I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
