Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
