Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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