I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
