Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
