if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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