Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
