im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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