Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
