I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is the high leading the old right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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