Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
