i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's get the cat blown out
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
