PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
