Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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