from now on my penis is your penis
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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