my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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