You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
