so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
