then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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