Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
