You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
then he tried to convert me to islam
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
